The Saviours of Womenkind: Suffragette’s reborn as Tice, Farage and Yusuf
On Tuesday 26th August 2025 Nigel Farage and his gormless gaggle of groupies ascended a stage in Birmingham. Ostensibly this ‘policy launch’ seemed to mark a distinct change from the maladroit operations Farage had previously led, with there being a newfound air of professionalism. However, the policies Farage subsequently proposed showed that his levels of depravity have not changed since his days at Dulwich College, where fellow students allege he marched around the village green singing Hitler Youth songs.
Farage is a political shapeshifter, with every new guise he dons appearing more inauthentic than the last. His most recent character is that of a champion of women’s rights, a modern-day suffragette if you will. There is just simply not enough space to fully articulate why this is beyond ridiculous. Though it should be noted, Farage kept the MP James McMurdoch in Reform UK despite him having kicked his girlfriend in the head.
Anyway, our champion feminist began his speech with a rhetorical flourish asking, ‘are you on the side of women and children?’ About half an hour later, the Clacton MP announced that he was willing to deport women who arrived on small boats back to Afghanistan, where needless to say they would be subject to the most inhumane treatment. Such a proposal displays a distinct level of cruelty that could only be achieved by a party devoid of human decency. Yet Farage’s callousness is matched only by his ability to willfully misrepresent the feasibility of these proposals.
When asked what would happen if countries do not take their citizens back, Farage responded that he would cut foreign aid in order to incentivise uncooperative states. There is a line from the 1980s British sitcom BlackAdder in which Rowan Atkinson’s character asks General Melchett ‘tell me, have you ever visited the planet earth sir?’ I believe the same question should be asked of Farage. If we take Afghanistan as a case study, Reform are suggesting that the Taliban would be so fearful of the UK cutting aid to the region that they would feel obligated to take back their citizens. The majority of foreign aid Britain gives to Afghanistan is to help women and girls. The Taliban are hardly likely to be incentivized to take back those fleeing the country because Britain threatened to stop helping Afghan women and girls. This is without mentioning the moral tragedy of Farage feeling it appropriate to use the plight of women in Afghanistan as political leverage.
To be fair to Farage, he presented a backup plan, just in case this meticulously researched and well-thought-out initial idea faced some impossible to foresee challenges. Reform’s new and innovative ‘Plan B’ to ensure the success of mass deportation involves… exploring flights to a safe third country like Rwanda. For a man who has spent most of the last year lambasting the Conservatives for their record on immigration, it seems like an act of political amnesia to try and resurrect a policy that can only be described as a Suella Braverman fever dream.
To make matters worse, Nigel Farage tried to claim that his policies would save the taxpayer millions. Yet when the Rwanda Scheme was trialled in 2022-23, it cost (depending on which sources you believe) between £370-700 million for four asylum seekers to be deported. I must confess that my confidence in Farage’s ability as a fiscal soothsayer is not helped by the fact he, upon seeing Liz Truss’s budget, said it was ‘the best since 1986’.
Now one of Farage’s big messages was that he wants to leave the European Court of Human Rights, so he would not face legal challenges to deportations. When asked if he was worried that this would jeopardize the Good Friday Agreement, he flippantly replied, ‘well we’ll re-negotiate’ it. The Good Friday Agreement, while not perfect, is successful in terms of bringing peace to Ireland. The diplomatic genius, self-appointed to re-negotiate the treaty, infamously made a video celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day, which concluded with him saying ‘up the Ra’. It is apparent to even the most sympathetic onlooker that Farage does not have the first clue what this phrase he joyfully recites refers to. I am sure that with this intimate knowledge of Irish history Farage will lead a diplomatic triumph for the ages.